Discoveries

Breaks are a time for discoveries.

Such as, in the past couple of weeks I discovered that I actually prefer short bangs to side-swept bangs because they are infinitely less annoying and quite easy to style. I discovered that I could eat Progresso brand tomato soup all day long (I know, I know, don't be too astounded) because of its delicious tomato flavor. I sadly have no patience for 500 piece puzzles, even if they feature Santa and his mammoth reindeer. After watching the Norwegian movie "A Christmas Story," I developed an intense curiosity about Lapland. Finally, I felt hopelessly unsophisticated and unintelligent reading Lauren F. Winner's amazing memoir "Girl Meets God." My conclusion was the discovery that I am not, and will never be, an intellectual.

Surprisingly, I am okay with this.

In my past two visits to Caribou Coffee I have been daring and tried their new tea latte fusions. I discovered, much to my surprise, that I could be satisfied with something so substantively weak as tea in comparison to strong, dark, handsome coffee. Shocking? Much. Delicious? Very. (The black thai is my favorite.) If coffee is the dashing, driven, and heroic prince who gallops in to save a sleepy, captive of dreamland princess, than tea is the kind, calm, and funny "we're just friends" boy who can soothe a distressed heart with his smile and his boyish antics. Coffee agitates and excites. Tea quiets and affirms. And a tea latte fusion - which is sweetened tea with 2% milk - is like a nice guy friend who is also attractive, smart, and has a voice like Dave Barnes or John Mayer. And a guitar. Somehow I can picture Prince Charming with a cappuccino but not a guitar...

I have discovered all these things, and in the process I have taken small risks. The discovery for me has been that discovery always involves risks, and in turn, life involves risks.

Never have I been a risky girl. I remember my mom telling me in third grade to make a call to the 1-800 number of the American Girl Doll Company because either something was broken that I had bought or I needed a replacement for some little accessory. It took me hours to work up the nerve to make the call. I remember concerts at my church, in the gym at the foot of the makeshift stage, and friends goading me to stand up and dance around with them in front. No thank you, said my safe little self that was mortified at the thought of bouncing around in public. There were the babysitting years, when introducing myself to young parents with tiny screaming children might insure business and shopping money. Taking that step often felt immensely risky to a 14-year-old who felt guilty about not taking the Red Cross babysitting course....

The list of these instances in my life goes on and on. And thankfully, I did some risky things - small ventures, tiny victories. To me, it was risky to run for student government. What if I did a bad job? What if I was unfavorable in my peers opinions? It was risky to submit essays to contests. What if all my work was for nothing and I lost? There was risk in buying presents for people that they might hate and who might not buy me something in return, risk in getting a part-time job in the food industry in which I had to interact with people constantly, risk in leading, risk in dating, risk in loving.

Kelly Clarkson spoke to me as a timid ninth grader. I listened to her CD over and over and over again, to her inspiring words of "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/ Do what it takes 'till I touch the sky", and "I'll take a risk/Take a chance/Make a change." Brave, heroic words.

I'm sitting on the couch with a couple of books on Argentina and Chile, some packets with study abroad information, a homemade attempt at a tea latte fusion (It's actually quite good), and a bundle of contemplation and questions. Can little discoveries, little risks, propel one to take bigger discoveries and risks? Can something so simple as a new menu choice be the launchpad for choosing a new country, a new language, a new culture?

Can a characteristically safe, cautious, homebody of a young woman spread her wings and fly?