Thoughts on faith and the lack thereof

It is astounding how different your world views might be from mine. Often I forget this. Heaven forbid that I ever forget again.

Living in a school environment inundated with Christian views, however varied denominationally, shields me from much popular thought and contrasting world views and religions. Choosing a religiously affiliated school without "statements of faith" or chapel attendance requirements, like many Christian private colleges, was intentional on my part because I expected to find many students with quite different beliefs than I. My goals were twofold: one was to develop my Christian faith as my own, without it being forced upon me by a school institution, and to benefit from a Christian environment and all the resources it offered. My second goal was to learn from students who were, say, atheist, or Jewish, or agnostic, or Buddhist. To see from their eyes and also to have deep conversations about faith with them.

Okay, maybe I was a bit too idealistic when I arrived in Hope that muggy, cloudy August afternoon a year and a half ago. Honestly, Holland is full of church attenders. And while I am grateful for that, I am realizing quickly that there is still a "bubble" around this school that is healthy to leave once and a while. I truly believe that being surrounded by strong Christian community is Biblical and necessary for living a life following God's commands by faith. I also believe that in order to fulfill the Great Commission (Matthew 28:19-20), Christians have to leave the bubble, live out their faith in their everyday lives, and talk about Jesus.

Here's my religious world view in several short sentences. God, who had no beginning, created the world and is the sole provider and sustainer of life. Although people are beautiful with huge capacities to achieve and do incredible things in this world, they are also innately sinful and can only go short periods of time without messing up. God himself is perfect and loves humanity. However, sin has always required a blood sacrifice - God cannot stand sin. Because he loved us (and really, who knows why else? God is a mystery!) God became human flesh and lived as a human in the form of Jesus Christ. He lived to show us the best way to live and died so that anyone who follows him can be with him forever one day. I believe this with all my heart.

How can I prove it? Modern culture is concerned with logic, with figuring out the pieces and explaining the whys and the hows. Or, they are complacent with parceling out religious beliefs and letting everyone enjoy their own spiritualities. You want to believe man is intrinsically good and that everyone will have their own planet someday? Fine, if that makes you happy. Do you want to believe there is no God and that your chief purpose in life is to have success and enjoy pleasure? If that's what you want...

I can't prove God's existence. Neither can you.

I feel quite inept at "proving" or "arguing" my faith with others. Perhaps this is a wake-up call for me to learn how to better discuss what I believe with people who disagree. Perhaps I need to learn how to articulate the deepest convictions of my heart, and the hearts of so many Christian friends.

More thoughts on this to come. My heart hurts remembering that the Christian convictions I find so solid at Hope are to some, ridiculous, unintelligent, or simply unbelievable. Everyone has a choice to believe what they will. But my prayer is that God shows his love to the least likely to accept it. That he overcomes doubtful hearts with his grace and love.

Lots of blabbering for a Friday night... thanks for putting up with me!

Filled with Jesus

Found this quote on the Bloom blog and just had to share it. I love it.

When God asks for our heart, He asks for all of it. He wants to fill every part with Himself. He completes us. Only when we are satisfied in Him will we be able to selflessly give our lives for others. We need to put up a sign that says "No Vacancies." Except we don't need a sign - others will notice simply by our lives. They can see if our heart has voids and is unfulfilled, seeking attention from others, or if we are filled with Jesus, overflowing with love and joy, and seeking to spread His light everywhere we go.

~ Sarah Mally, author of Before You Meet Prince Charming

Philadelphia

Next fall, Lord willing, as a junior I am planning to go to Philadelphia through Hope's Philadelphia Center to take classes and have a 32-hour a week internship. Over Christmas break I completed most of my application to the program, which was my goal and a great relief to check off the list. Today I was dreaming about SENIOR year, during which I hope to travel to South America for a semester as mentioned in my previous blogs (this just recently decided over break). Thumbing through travel guides to Chile and Argentina on the couch, taking notes on a word document, I suddenly realized that I was getting more hyped up to go abroad to South America than I was to Philly. Philly is a 98% sure reality; South America is like a safe 75% probability at the moment. Philly is happening; South America might happen, hopefully will happen. All that to say, I thought, what the heck am I doing, learning all this about South America when I've decided to go to Philadelphia and have spent limited time even thinking about it?

Thank you google for fast access to information. I googled Philadelphia (the first thing anyone does when they're wanting to learn anything, right???). Looking at the map, Philadelphia waved at me from waaaay far East, a trek beyond Michigan and really far from Minnesota. Philly sits in the Southeast corner of Pennsylvania, and unbeknownst to me, borders New Jersey! My birth state. I honestly had not pictured it this far East, so I was a bit surprised to see it on the map, although I knew its close proximity to other big cities.

Philadelphia is halfway between New York City and Washington D.C. I better start saving my cash for some day-trips, because ladies and gentleman, this is going to be wonderful. Other close-by cities are Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and Boston. The Atlantic is 100 miles away. The local famous cuisine includes something unappetizing called scrapple, hoagies, water ice (whatever that is!), soft pretzels, and cheesesteak, according to Wikipedia. Local sports teams are the 76ers, Phillies, and Eagles - not that I am all that into sports, but it's good to know who the local athletes are. The city was once the second-largest in the British empire, back before we had declared glorious independence from England. Now it is the 6th-largest in the U.S. All the history, all the sights, all the learning... Lord, I hope I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch and dreaming about a semester that is going to fall through in some sad, tragic way. Which if it does, God has a plan, and then this experience wasn't meant to be. But honestly, I can say that I am truly looking forward to having a blast in this wonderful East coast Metropolitan area.

Just had to get rid of some of the excitement stewing inside so I can settle down and go to sleep. Two nights more in my own bed and then back to Hope!

Brooke Meets Utter Happiness

Yesterday I wore my pajamas until noon, and I was happy.

Usually pajamas until noon puts me in a funk - first there is the exhilaration of such an unlikely, irresponsible circumstance, and the absurdity of my unkempt self in the late morning sunlight. Then, there is the guilt. I think about women who wake up at 6 am, work out, shower, and head off to work looking like the Queen of Sheba or at least like Vana White on an average day. Finally, I am hit by a wave of discomfort, which comes from all directions when I realize that I am not clean, wearing no makeup, have hair that looks like it got caught in the vacuum, and need to get my life together and get going with the day.

But yesterday, I was peaceful. Clad in my new men's pajamas from Marshall's (thank you Santa, they are LONG enough! and bamboo!), I curled up on the couch with my new book and felt blissfully, entirely happy.

I mentioned this book in my post yesterday - Girl Meets God, by Lauren F. Winner. A college fair representative recommended this memoir to me about three years ago at Minnehaha. She had asked me about my interests, and I told her English and writing. Then she recommended this book. I remember scrawling it down on the college brochure she had handed me, and then keeping that brochure not because I was interested in the college but because of the book recommendation. Honestly, I have no idea which college this woman was from. All I know is that, three years later, I rediscovered the book on a Christian blog, checked it out from the library, and am thanking her for her sweet suggestion. Because I cannot put this book down. It is making me want to become an Episcopalian, bake challah bread, read the Mitford series by Jan Karon, move to New York City, and transform myself into a nerdy brainiac who reads books on Friday nights for fun. (Read the book, and this will all make sense.)

I love that great books still have the ability to transport me somewhere else. I love that I can be sitting on the leather couch in our living room completely unaware of anything that is going on around me, the voices on the radio, the smell of dinner coming from the kitchen. This semester only a few books did this for me - Frederick Douglass' autobiography took me away, and moments of Uncle Tom's Cabin did the same. But nobody else could hold my attention so fully.

I've missed this feeling, this utter consumption in literature, this complete diversion that is reading.

Discoveries

Breaks are a time for discoveries.

Such as, in the past couple of weeks I discovered that I actually prefer short bangs to side-swept bangs because they are infinitely less annoying and quite easy to style. I discovered that I could eat Progresso brand tomato soup all day long (I know, I know, don't be too astounded) because of its delicious tomato flavor. I sadly have no patience for 500 piece puzzles, even if they feature Santa and his mammoth reindeer. After watching the Norwegian movie "A Christmas Story," I developed an intense curiosity about Lapland. Finally, I felt hopelessly unsophisticated and unintelligent reading Lauren F. Winner's amazing memoir "Girl Meets God." My conclusion was the discovery that I am not, and will never be, an intellectual.

Surprisingly, I am okay with this.

In my past two visits to Caribou Coffee I have been daring and tried their new tea latte fusions. I discovered, much to my surprise, that I could be satisfied with something so substantively weak as tea in comparison to strong, dark, handsome coffee. Shocking? Much. Delicious? Very. (The black thai is my favorite.) If coffee is the dashing, driven, and heroic prince who gallops in to save a sleepy, captive of dreamland princess, than tea is the kind, calm, and funny "we're just friends" boy who can soothe a distressed heart with his smile and his boyish antics. Coffee agitates and excites. Tea quiets and affirms. And a tea latte fusion - which is sweetened tea with 2% milk - is like a nice guy friend who is also attractive, smart, and has a voice like Dave Barnes or John Mayer. And a guitar. Somehow I can picture Prince Charming with a cappuccino but not a guitar...

I have discovered all these things, and in the process I have taken small risks. The discovery for me has been that discovery always involves risks, and in turn, life involves risks.

Never have I been a risky girl. I remember my mom telling me in third grade to make a call to the 1-800 number of the American Girl Doll Company because either something was broken that I had bought or I needed a replacement for some little accessory. It took me hours to work up the nerve to make the call. I remember concerts at my church, in the gym at the foot of the makeshift stage, and friends goading me to stand up and dance around with them in front. No thank you, said my safe little self that was mortified at the thought of bouncing around in public. There were the babysitting years, when introducing myself to young parents with tiny screaming children might insure business and shopping money. Taking that step often felt immensely risky to a 14-year-old who felt guilty about not taking the Red Cross babysitting course....

The list of these instances in my life goes on and on. And thankfully, I did some risky things - small ventures, tiny victories. To me, it was risky to run for student government. What if I did a bad job? What if I was unfavorable in my peers opinions? It was risky to submit essays to contests. What if all my work was for nothing and I lost? There was risk in buying presents for people that they might hate and who might not buy me something in return, risk in getting a part-time job in the food industry in which I had to interact with people constantly, risk in leading, risk in dating, risk in loving.

Kelly Clarkson spoke to me as a timid ninth grader. I listened to her CD over and over and over again, to her inspiring words of "I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly/ Do what it takes 'till I touch the sky", and "I'll take a risk/Take a chance/Make a change." Brave, heroic words.

I'm sitting on the couch with a couple of books on Argentina and Chile, some packets with study abroad information, a homemade attempt at a tea latte fusion (It's actually quite good), and a bundle of contemplation and questions. Can little discoveries, little risks, propel one to take bigger discoveries and risks? Can something so simple as a new menu choice be the launchpad for choosing a new country, a new language, a new culture?

Can a characteristically safe, cautious, homebody of a young woman spread her wings and fly?

2011!

Another year and another number to learn! I haven't yet had to write 2011 on any papers, but my erasers will need to be handy for the many 2010's I'm bound to write. Old habits die hard, and the 365 days of 2010 were long enough to form that habit. Isn't it interesting though that in a week or two, 2011 will seem like all we ever knew?

Speaking of habits. What kind of habits do you want to form in the next 364 days? I'm hoping, as usual, to eat healthier, drink more water, exercise consistently, read my Bible consistently... I say this every year! I think every year I'm alive these bullet points will make it on the resolution list. Several more specific goals are to take charge of my education more intentionally (taking advantage of specific writing-related opportunities at Hope, as well as get to know my professors on a more personal level) and also to deepen my friendships.

A potentially tough but necessary goal for me in 2011 is better internet productivity. I am determined to make my internet time more productive and less something that I will regret later. How pathetic is it that facebook is the first or second website I check when I click on the little 'safari' icon on my macbook pro? I suspect that this is a common dilemma among my generation. Facebook is so tempting to log onto 10 or 20 times in a day, just to see what's going on with your friends.

Facebook is great in many ways; trust me, I love chatting with people, viewing pictures, reading interesting statuses, and staying updated on people's lives. Yet for me, an hour can pass when it feels like 5 minutes. I become sucked into the feed of information and turn into an unmoving blob. It is taking the place of ways I could be using my time more productively - learning and becoming nourished - through other websites.

Thus, I've bookmarked some wonderful sites to check on a more regular basis. Just thought I would share a few in case you, too, are hoping to use the wonderful world wide web for your growth rather than your destruction this year! These are some of my personal favorites that focus on spiritual growth. Of course, there are tons of wonderful secular sites as well that inspire creativity and healthy living - I've just limited my selection for today.

www.kyria.com is a website for women with articles on everything under the sun, a blog, and lots of wonderful reads. Check it out!

www.incourage.me/ is newer to me but seems to have lots of excellent resources for Christian women.

www.therebelution.com/blog/ targets teens and young adults. Written by Alex and Brett Harris, the authors of the book "Do Hard Things", it offers discussion topics, articles about serving Christ persistently as a young person, links other great sites, and good books to read!

www.bloomthemagazine.com is also meant for girls. Super cute and super encouraging.

www.brooklyntabernacle.org/sermons/ contains sermons from pastor Jim Cymbala at the Brooklyn Tabernacle in New York City, as well as by other pastors. Great resource! I listen to these while doing other stuff.

www.christianitytoday.com/ct - this is the website of Christianity Today, and the articles here are often really enlightening and keep you updated as to what's going on in academia, current events, media, literature, and more from a Christian perspective.

Enjoy your New Years' day!